I think that the inception of Project Hermosa was too eerily on point with my life to be a coincidence. When I first stumbled upon Kate’s site, my ADD was all “OMG, PRETTY COLORS AND LOOK AT HER SHOES”. Upon second glance, it was like finding a SALE on those shoes. Like finding gold. Internet gold in a mine of worthlessness that is….well, the internet. While I tend to exaggerate a lot, this is something I am serious about. I am in a self-proclaimed early quarter life crisis. Some of you are looking at the screen like Grumpy Cat, thinking that I am a drama queen. While that is true, other women are nodding their heads in agreement.
You see, it has recently come to my attention that I have no idea what I am doing.
Seriously. I haven’t a clue. If I could redefine the definition of “wing woman” I would simply put a picture of my giant, confused head next to it. I would look really good, mind you, because I would have prepared for that picture with lots of expensive makeup and good lighting. But, in reality – I am just winging it. However, I am doing so with a Type A personality. If you think that is quite conflicting, welcome to my life. I have no idea how to “do” motherhood. People ask me how I do single motherhood, working a job that sometimes requires me to travel, maintaining a semi-social life, and looking “put together” (hah) and really, I just laugh. I don’t know. I just do it.
Every single day I wake up and hope I am making the right decisions. Sometimes Type A roars her weird head and I find myself reading every parenting article ever written, obsessing over how I am going to teach my almost 3 year old who loves hugging strangers to STOP DOING THAT, and simultaneously wondering what is GMO and why do I not need to feed it to him again? I am winging my job. My “career”, if you want to call it. The first Big Girl Job I have had since deciding in my pretty little egotistical head, that if College wanted to screw me over one semester then by God, I DIDN’T NEED IT ANYWAYS. That was my own humble way of not wanting to admit that I also had no idea what I wanted to study because bar Medicine and Politics, my brain has an interest in a little bit of everything. You know Alicia Key’s “Girl on Fire” song? Well, I am pretty sure she meant that in a “I am woman, hear me roar” empowering type of way….but every time I hear it I just picture myself, literally on fire, arms flailing, screaming for someone to just douse me with water….because some days that is just how I feel. And by water, I mean Dos Equis.
So, you can imagine that when I truly understood the message behind Project Hermosa, I was all in. You see, I am trying to soak up advice quicker than a ShamWOW (R.I.P. Billy Mays) and I will tackle any avenue to get there. I have a sneaking suspicion that for all women, this is true. Is that not why we have slightly neurotic obsessions over Pinterest? Whether it is the Quotes board you love (hello, teenage angst and womanly motivation), the clothes section (do you think I can wear a crop top to work?) or the FOOD (Crockpot, I love you), we are all trying to gleam something from one another. A pick me up. An outfit. A great recipe. Well, I truly believe that Project Hermosa is just that and more. A little more glitz. A little less HERE’S 500 WAYS TO TONE YOUR ABS BECAUSE YOU’RE FAT AND ALSO, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT MAKE THIS NUTELLA CHEESECAKE.
It has been an eye-opening year thus far. I have realized that I cannot, no matter how hard I try, make certain situations beautiful. Some places in life are just going to plain suck. But when I cannot change the situation, I have learned this wonderful, mind-blowing nugget of wisdom: I can change myself. Slowly, but surely, I can be made better. Through myself, through others, through God (that’s just my preference, doesn’t have to be yours).
Kate posed the question, “How do you make your life beautiful?” and the first thing I thought was it’s not and I do not know how. That was such a lie. Like most lies we tell ourselves, I believed it. We believe that because we are a full-time working, single mother, we can never find the time to go to the gym without sacrificing time with our child and thus, feeling guilty about it. We believe that because we haven’t lost that baby weight, we can wear nothing but sweats for fear of looking or feeling fat.
We believe that while our co-worker threw her child an amazing magazine worthy birthday party, that’s just not something we can pull off. We believe that because we are 34 and still haven’t reached that married with children stage, we are less of a “woman” than our neighbor. Those are the lies that make life ugly. Turning a deaf ear to these lies and making my life more beautiful has become more of a priority than ever lately and it was around this time that Project Hermosa came about (like I said, not a coincidence).
As the time goes by, I hope to share some of the details of the ways I am trying to make my life more beautiful. Some inspiration, some ideas, maybe some dumb stories (because sometimes that’s all I have)…..something to make you think, to make you laugh, to make you probably want to shut your computer off and delete me from Facebook because honestly, I can get obnoxious. Mostly, something that may make you want to be better, even if it’s just a wardrobe tip to help you feel better. Not for your kids (God love ‘em), your husband, your over-bearing mother, or your boss. For you.
The first step to making my life more beautiful was to make myself a priority. Of course, my child has been my first priority for almost three years now. But like anything, even that can manifest itself in an unhealthy way if you let it. Truly making myself, my mental health, and my goals a priority has taken genuine effort. It has taken effort to not put my focus elsewhere; to not put 100% of my mental energy into my relationship, my job, my social life. I am making myself a priority in small ways (that I hope to share with you soon) and finding that everything else is slowly falling into place. Right where it belongs. There is nothing more beautiful to me than that.
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